There is a quote from Pedro Arrupe, a Jesuit, that I read periodically and find simultaneously inspiring and challenging:
"Nothing is more practical than finding God, than falling in Love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in Love, stay in love, and it will decide everything."
Inspiring!
I find it so inspiring because something in my heart leaps when I read it. I want my love for God to compel me in this way. I want to be so captivated by his love that it truly transforms my entire life in such a way that it becomes my core motivating factor for every moment of my days. A life like this sounds like a beautiful partnership that would send me dancing through my days with joy, ease, and freedom.
But Challenging...
BUT... it is so challenging because I know there is so much about my days that is not reflective of falling in Love in a "quite absolute, final way."
Parts of my life are still characterized by a compulsion to fulfill responsibility rather than an expression of love.
Parts of my life are saturated with self-preservation, rather than generously offering myself as I receive the generosity of Love.
There are moments when I check out and numb because I am tired and worn out and instead of seeking refreshment in Love, I choose to eject from life.
In so many ways, it's clear that I still love myself far more than I have fallen into the person of Love in any absolute kind of way.
Insecure love
Much of my reluctance has to do with continuing to address patterns of distrust and insecurity born out of my first formation in my childhood. I vacillate between fierce independence (I'll do it myself) and an insatiable desire to rely on others (I can't do it myself).
And it's in this pendulum swing that, when I remember to seek Him, I find God along both swings. In fact, God designed us to have the capacity to be both intimately connected and courageously independent.
But the anchor point of the pendulum must be Love. In fact, the more anchored and secure I am in the Love of God in relationship with Jesus, the less I swing and the more I rest.
I'm still far from Love being what decides everything, but I hope that little by little, by grace, everything is a little more affected by Love today than it was yesterday.
What about you?
What seizes your imagination?
What gets you out of bed in the morning?
What do you do with your evenings?
How do you spend your weekends?
What do you read?
Who do you know?
What breaks your hearts?
What amazes you with joy and gratitude?
Where do you see Love deciding?
Where do you long to see Love affecting everything?
Want to Grow More Secure?
If something in this post resonates with you and you would like to grow in your capacity to relate to God in love, you might consider joining the next Attaching to God cohort. If you're reading this before July 25, you can still join us for the cohort beginning tomorrow.